MANHATTAN – In an exclusive investigation that began with a suspicious receipt folded into a $52 kale smoothie, The Critical Chronicle can confirm that First National...
LAUSANNE – Darling, cancel the floating brunch. The International Olympic Committee just detonated the chicest bomb in sports history, unveiling a 3,100-page doctrine that reads like...
MUSKOGEE—At 9:47 a.m. Central Standard Time, board-certified sonographer Dr. Marisol Peña pressed a transducer against the abdomen of 29-year-old Hailey Broderick and delivered what historians are...
MENLO PARK, Calif. – A four-month Critical Chronicle probe, involving three burner phones, one borrowed GoPro, and a Costco rotisserie chicken used as bait, has confirmed...
Washington, 3:17 a.m.—the velvet hour when democracy drops the beat. Darlings, gather your sequined notebooks and cruelty-free lattes, because Capitol Hill just served a five-course gag...
RICHMOND—In what scholars are already terming the “Meow-pocalypse Tapes,” a 47-minute audio file surfaced Tuesday from the office of Dr. Marla Feldman, Ph.D., LCSW, and certified...
NEW YORCH—At 9:47 p.m., the networks called it. At 9:47:02, Zohran Mamdani’s victory speech was already over. Microphone still smoking from the drop, the mayor-elect sprinted...
NEWPORT BEACH, CA – Curtain up, darlings. The future just barked. In a move that has left Silicon Valley quaking in its limited-edition Yeezys and Wall...
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a maneuver that scholars are already hailing as “the most literal filibuster in American history,” Senate Democrats yesterday welded shut every exterior door of...
NEW YORK—An exclusive Critical Chronicle investigation can reveal that the New York City Board of Elections’ industrial ballot printer—an aging Xerox Alto dubbed “Old Blue”—exhausted its...
