DC Chief Bombs Quiz, Believes ‘Miranda Rights’ Is Her Barista’s Name at Starbucks
Democrats Tout Lower Crime Rate: ‘Mostly Peaceful Stabbings Up Just 130%!’
Court Rules Epstein a Mandela Effect: “You’re All Misremembering a Spicy Taco Bell Ad Campaign”
Canadians Stunned to Discover Their Property Deeds Are Just Fancy Tim Hortons Receipts
Democrats React to Census Illegal Removal: ‘Hey, We Paid Good Money for Those!’
MSNBC Rebrands to WHO Gives a Shit, Hires Screaming Roomba as Lead Anchor
Travis Kelce Spotted Wearing Full Christmas Sweater + Vest Combo at the Beach
Buffalo Bags Millionaire in Record-Breaking Hunt, Plans to Mount His Rolex on Its Wall
Morning Joe Ratings Bombshell: Show Watched by Dozens, Not Just Joe’s Therapist
Tsunami Approaches, Oprah Tells Hawaiian Peasants: ‘You Get to Swim! You Get to Swim!’
Vegas Vacancy Crisis After Boomers Learn Vegas Runs on Solar, Not ‘Good Ol’ Coal’
Another Quarter of No Rate Change as Jerome Powell Says ‘Trump Is Still President’
Liberals Rejoice as Hollister Combats American Eagle with “Fat Retards Only” Jean Campaign
Startup’s ‘BusyBee’ Device Auto-Mutes Your Mic to Hide Sounds of You Vacuuming During Calls
Company’s ‘Work Hard, Play Hard’ Culture Ends in Nerf Gun War Crimes
Tech Bro Posts “Game-Changer!” About OpenAI Model That Just Fired Him and DM’d His Girlfriend
Man’s Tesla FSD Swerves Into Cornfield, Builds Maze Shaped Like Elon’s Face
Tea Founders’ Workshop: ‘How to Build an App Hackers Love in Minutes’
Lyft Fires Back: New Feature Lets Women Pick Male Drivers Over 6’, Short Kings Start Petition
TikTok Users Mock Vine’s Comeback: ‘Who Has Time for a 6-Second Commitment?’
After $8B Deal, UFC Boosts Win Bonus by $1: Dana White Says, “Don’t Say I Never Gave You Nothin’”
NFL Preseason Renamed ‘Operation: Cripple the Roster Before Week 1’
Brock Lesnar Swears Off Piss Pics, WWE Welcomes Him Back with Golden Shower of Confetti
Jerry Jones Offers Micah Parsons a New Contract: Two Free Hot Dogs and a Firm Handshake
McGregor Enters Testing Pool Again, Says It’s ‘Just to Keep My Urine Game Sharp’
In a move that has shaken the very foundations of the republic, Texas has unleashed what critics are calling a “cataclysmic assault on freedom” by requiring...
