Colbert’s End Sparks 20-Person Protest, Becomes Biggest Traffic Jam of One Car

In a dramatic turn that has set the entertainment world ablaze, CBS has officially axed The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, unveiling a cultural implosion that has left fans reeling—or, more accurately, counting to 20. Last night, a pitiful protest erupted outside the iconic Ed Sullivan Theater in New York City, drawing an elite squad of 20 die-hards whose passion ignited the most laughable traffic jam in history: a single car, idling in bewildered glory. This, dear readers, is the next big thing in absurdist spectacle, and I, Rachel Dunn, am here to serve you the scoop with a side of sequins.

The cancellation, announced with the subtlety of a Broadway finale, cites “financial reasons”—a euphemism, no doubt, for Colbert’s ratings plummeting faster than a sequined gown at a fashion faux pas. Sources whisper of a 30% viewership drop since 2022, a stat that hit like a spotlight blackout. Yet, the real drama unfolded when 20 loyalists—half wielding protest signs, half clutching coffee cups—gathered to demand Colbert’s return. The crowd, outdone by a nearby hot dog vendor’s line, inadvertently caused a one-car traffic snarl when a confused Uber driver mistook the rally for a celebrity sighting. Cue the laugh track!

Eyewitnesses, sporting sunglasses indoors for maximum chic, reported the scene as “a tragicomic masterpiece.” One protester, identified only as “Karen-with-a-megaphone,” declared, “This is bigger than Woodstock!”—a claim undermined when she tripped over her own sign, titled “Save Colbert, Save Us All.” The lone car, a 2018 Prius driven by a man named Gary, became an unwilling star, honking in protest as pedestrians cheered. Traffic experts are already hailing this as “the traffic jam of the decade,” a trendsetting gridlock that could redefine urban innovation.

CBS insiders, sipping martinis in undisclosed penthouses, remain unfazed, suggesting Colbert’s satirical jabs at political giants—like his recent Trump-Epstein monologues—may have sealed his fate. Meanwhile, the 20-person uprising has gained attention as a potential new genre: micro-protests, the latest craze for influencers seeking viral clout on a budget. Imagine the TikTok potential—#ColbertCrisis is already trending, with one video of the Prius jam racking up 10 likes (and a comment: “Is this a car or a metaphor?”).

As Atlanta’s trend oracle, I predict this spectacle will spawn copycat jams—picture 15 fans halting a tricycle in Peachtree Plaza! The Critical Chronicle is unveiling a live poll: Will Colbert stage a comeback in a Prius-powered revival tour? Early bets lean toward “no,” but in this theatrical age, anything sparkles. So, grab your popcorn, adjust your monocle, and watch as 20 souls and one bewildered driver rewrite the rules of protest chic. This is Rachel Dunn, signing off with a flourish—because even in satire, style reigns supreme!